Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Douchey Fangirl Whining: The Dark Knight Rises Trailer

So the new The Dark Knight Rises trailer was posted a few hours ago, and I am being a whiny fangirl douche about it.

First of all, Bruce Wayne is looking very Christian Baleful.

Wait, is this a trailer for The Fighter 2?

And then there's Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle/Catwoman. We only get a few clips of her, but it looks like she gets Alicia-Silverstone-as-Batgirl cheesy attempted bon mots instead of an actual aura of badassery. While watching, I kept thinking, "Gurl, Selina would cut you." Hathaway's fine, but I don't feel her in this role. I could maybe see her as Barbara Gordon - noble but slightly bookish with a can-do attitude and a hint of smug righteousness - but not Catwoman.

She's no theatre kitten.

Plus, there are so many people in this movie, and it looks a bit all over the place. You've got the main characters, Catwoman and Bane as villains, and then Juno Temple as Catwoman's friend Holly Robinson, and Ra's Al Ghul, and Talia's there as a little girl (I hope in flashbacks?), and then the entire cast of Inception being more cops and more love interests and what-not.

Will they try to cram too much of Batman's mythology into this final segment? It's clear Nolan wanted a firm ending to the trilogy, and there's been rumors that Bruce Wayne's Batman bites the dust, possibly replaced by Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character.

Gordon-Levitt's character in Brick is the hero Gotham needs.

Which explains why they decided to set this movie so far after the last one (eight years, I think?). It looks like Bruce hasn't fared well in that time, wallowing in martyrdom and unfortunate facial hair. And what about the Joker? I'll admit I'm one of these fans, and wondered if when Gordon-Levitt was cast he would be taking up the role for a cameo. But what will they do? Considering the importance Joker has on Bruce Wayne's life, no mention at all would be conspicuous. Will there be some "Hey, remember when you accidentally killed the Joker a few years ago and started drinking and doing terrible things with your hair?" comment? Will he have just been in Arkham this whole time, "dating" his psychiatrist Dr. Quinzel, playing cards with Jonathan Crane, laughing at Bruce's overwrought life?

Arkham's kinda fun, anyways.

Okay, now I'm just delving into questions that will be answered in July. But, to not be a total Debbie Downer, here are the things that give me hope:

-Bane looks awesome. Rick Perry, that is how you rock a Brokeback Mountain coat.
-One of my husbands (Gordon-Levitt) is in it.
-The special effects are amazing.

At least if the movie's not good, they can cut it down to just the collapsing football field scene with Bane being a boss and Joseph Gordon-Levitt posing off to the side in a tailored suit. Short Film Live Action Oscar right there.

You can do this, boys.

Oh, man, that's right. Both Tom Hardy and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are in this. Never mind, this movie will be great. Okay, I should both go to bed now and just wait until July 20. The Dark Knight and its exemplary cast - especially Heath Ledger - is hard to follow, but maybe Nolan will surprise us all.

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