Dream Cast - Frankenstein

TFW your dad is the sullen youth in your relationship

Just over a week ago, on a Thursday, I was getting ready to go to work. Having just finished Ann Leckie's Ancillary Justice trilogy, I needed a new read for my commute. I grabbed my high school paperback of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein off the shelf. I'd been thinking about re-reading it for years, and recent Byronic research for something I'm writing and the fact that my sister watched and related to me the awful James McAvoy Victor Frankenstein movie made the novel fresh in my mind.

By complete coincidence (or was it - ominous music) that day, June 16, is the day some astronomers think Shelley first dreamed up the basis for her story.

From my vague remembrances of the book, I knew it was different than our popular conception of the Frankenstein story, but I had forgotten just how different it was. There's no castle, no Igor. Victor Frankenstein makes his first monster in his apartment at university and his second, unfinished monster in a crude hut in the remote Orkney Islands.

I had also forgotten (or just couldn't appreciate at the time) just how great the novel is. It's groundbreaking, compelling, thoughtful, and ambitious. Boris Karloff's monster is rooted in our pop culture, and Mel Brooks's Young Frankenstein will always be a favorite of mine, but I found myself wishing for an adaptation more faithful to Shelley's vision. Not only in theme and message, but in the 18th century setting and the powerful landscapes she describes in Switzerland, Germany, and Scotland.

Like I did with Wuthering Heights, I spent a lot of free time picking out my dream cast for my dream Frankenstein miniseries. Here are the fruits of my imagined labors:

Robert Walton - Nicholas Hoult

Who is Robert Walton? Good question! Walton is our narrator narrating other characters' narrations, much like Lockwood (who?) in Wuthering Heights. I didn't cast Lockwood in my Wuthering Heights dream cast because nobody cares about Lockwood, but I'll shrug and go to bat for Walton.

Frankenstein is actually an epistolary novel, a series of letters Walton sends to his beloved sister. He's setting off on a dangerous quest to find a shipping route through the North Pole, and is so excited! But, he tells his sister, although surrounded by men, he's sad not to have a special guy friend whose eyes he can gaze into as he reveals his feelings. :( Fortunately, one almost immediately shows up on an ice flow! This Elsa-sent buddy is none other than Victor Frankenstein, who eventually tells Walton his story. Later, Frankenstein's monster will also get the chance to unload on Walton.

Why use an actor like Nicholas Hoult for this comparatively small role? Because I think it's important to see how Walton is hearing Victor's story and what lessons he takes away from his encounter with the Monster. Although he's been somewhat blinded by his affection for Victor, does his meeting with the Monster alter his opinions? Walton doesn't put any of those final thoughts on paper, so it would be up to the actor's face to communicate Walton's mind. Any wide-eyed young actor could be slotted in this spot, but someone like Hoult could add depth.

Victor Frankenstein - Paul Dano

One thing that stood out to me about Frankenstein, when re-reading, is just how feckless Victor Frankenstein is. He's not exactly a man of action. Yes, when he discovers the secret to life, he passionately and manically works on his creature, but when it isn't what he wanted, he decides his best course of action is...avoidance. He literally just abandons his new, awake, conscious creation on the table and goes to bed. When the confused, lonely monster finds him in his bedroom, he sleeps outside and waits for the thing to leave his apartment.

This response isn't out of character for him. We've already seen him shrug off communication with the people he loves most in the world simply because it's not what he wants at the moment. Later, when a servant in his household is falsely accused of the murder of his little brother - a murder he knows his Monster has committed - he half-heartedly argues for her innocence without implicating himself in any way. When the Monster demands that Victor make him a companion, promising he'll take his new friend far from human civilization and live a vegan life in South America, Victor agrees...and then procrastinates for a year on the project while worrying about it the whole time.

Yet despite the fact that this entire disaster - which all of Victor's loved ones end up paying for with their lives - is literally of Victor's making, the depths of his despair do provoke pity. Dano could handle the range of this character - from fevered curiosity to sullen passivity to mental breakdowns - without campiness.

Frankenstein's Monster - Richard Armitage

While a green-skinned, boxy-skulled Frankenstein's Monster has become the popular image, Mary Shelley describes a creature who was supposed to be handsome - ravishing black hair, good teeth - but comes off as horrifying due to his outlandish size, runny eyes, and yellowish skin that clearly belongs to a cadaver. With some special effects (makeup, Andy Serkising, or both), naturally handsome Armitage could pull off this unsettling mix of greatness and ugliness. Also, while the Monster is usually depicted as inarticulate and lumbering, Shelley's monster has superhuman speed and grace.

The differences between the original Monster and the pop culture Monster aren't just visual. Shelley's is intellectual and complex. Just two years after his "birth," he's not only able to speak, but is a clever, erudite man who can talk circles around the sniveling Victor. His capacity to do good seems greater than Victor's, yet he is the one who chooses to murder again and again - not Victor. Like his creator, he is excellent at rationalizing his actions to himself and identifies with fallen angel Lucifer from Milton's Paradise Lost. I'd love for an adaptation to show the tragedy and humanity of this iconic creature.

Elizabeth Lavenza - Lea Seydoux

The orphaned daughter of Italian nobility, Elizabeth is adopted from an impoverished foster family by the Frankensteins as their "niece" and betrothed to Victor when they are both small children. It's an odd arrangement (like, don't do this today), but she loves her family and they love her. She keeps the family going after Mrs. Frankenstein's death and passionately advocates for the falsely accused Justine.

As with Justine (below), Elizabeth's virtue and strength make Victor's selfishness all the more visible. It would be all too easy in an adaptation to make this character a wilting violet doormat of a victim, which is why I'd want an actress of Leydoux's mettle to take the role (and be backed with a great writer and director, since this is my dream).

Henry Clerval - Sebastian Armesto 

Victor and Elizabeth grow up with their best friend, the less financially fortunate but romantically minded Henry Clerval. Happy, generous Henry loves stories about knights and heroes as a child. When he finally attains his dream of going to university to study Asian languages, he puts it off for a year without a thought to tend to Victor, who has suffered a nervous breakdown. Henry is sweet and oblivious, happily prancing across Europe on a road trip with Victor, who gloomily frets and collects body parts.

When thinking of whom I would cast as this character, I couldn't help but remember how - in a matter of moments - Armesto made hapless, puppy-eyed Lieutenant Mitaka memorable in Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Sadly, Frankenstein's Monster will finish what Kylo Ren started. :( 

Justine Moritz - Morfydd Clark

Justine, a young woman scorned by her mother and brought into the Frankenstein family as a servant, becomes an early victim of the Monster when he frames her for murder and she is sentenced to death. Her grief and bewilderment is heartbreaking, and it would be easy to make this minor character a one-note victim. However, her ultimate courage in the face of death is in contrast to Victor's continued cowardliness. I'd trust Clark, from Love & Friendship and Josie Rourke's Les Liaisons Dangereuses, to show both innocence and strength.

De Lacey Family

After being abandoned by Victor and chased by terrified villagers, the Monster hides out near a cottage. The inhabitants are the De Lacey family, and Shelley gives them a rich backstory. They are an aristocratic French family living in exile in the German countryside, and they consist of the blind patriarch, daughter Agatha, son Felix, and Felix's Arab-Turkish fiancee Safie. Despite suffering hardships that have left them in poverty, they are a loving, kind, musically gifted group. By spying on them for a year, the Monster learns how to speak, how to read, and the basics of human history. He comes to love the family and desperately wants to be accepted by them. Alas, his introduction to them goes horribly wrong, and he is rejected out of fear again.

I'd cast grizzled, stately Hugo Weaving as De Lacey; Adele Exarchopoulous and Jamie Bell as his two dutiful children; and Mandahla Rose as joyful Safie.

Mr. and Mrs. Frankenstein - Ralph Fiennes and Sheryl Lee

Mr. Frankenstein is a loving father who is distraught as he watches his oldest child descend into depression and then more severe mental illness. He's at a loss to determine the cause (no one suspects their child has learned the secret of sparking life and used it to make an eight-foot-tall creature that keeps killing people), but he doesn't give up on his son. At one point he has to travel from Switzerland to Ireland to pick up a hysterical Victor from a small-town prison, and he's completely supportive the whole time.

Even though Sheryl Lee's scene in Winter's Bone was brief, I was drawn to her warmth. I can see the Twin Peaks star as the matriarch of this adventurous, welcoming family. Given all that happens, it's probably a blessing this character dies of scarlet fever before everything goes to hell.


Image info:
Header image: Richard Armitage in Robin Hood, Paul Dano in War & Peace
All actor headshots: IMDB

Mark Zuckerberg Force Feeds Someone a Jolly Rancher: Batman v Superman

No caption needed.

Do we need more writing about Batman v Superman, the artistic/critical/fan disaster and financial success? No, but I'll type out my thoughts as a way of coping.

I just got back from a family vacation, during which I watched Batman v Superman with my mom and sister. My sister and I are longtime Batman fans. We knew the movie would likely be bad, but we were still going to see it for the reasons described in this Onion article. My mom does not care about Batman, but does care about Jeremy Irons, this version's Alfred. My mom later told us she was confused during the entire movie and thought my sister and I would know what was going on. She was wrong.

Let me start off with the two moments of the film during which the audience actually indicated enjoyment. These were:

• Wonder Woman enters the battle
• Batman says "oh, shit" at a funny moment

During the interminable movie, the people wanted Wonder Woman and some fun. Who can blame them? 

I will also add that the "murder pearl" scene (when Bruce Wayne's parents are murdered, his mom's necklace breaks, sending pearls bouncing dramatically in slo-mo) was very beautiful. The murder pearls always border on ridiculous, since they happen in every single telling, but I would honestly lose my shit if the Waynes were murdered with Martha wearing a diamond choker.

Plink, plink, plink! Now you're a furry vigilante!

Random Observations:

-One of the weirdest parts of the movie (saying a lot) is Zack Snyder's version of Lex Luthor. He has Jesse Eisenberg, the mumblecore version of Michael Cera, playing his Mark Zuckerberg role again. Ok, young Lex Luthor with a Silicon Valley vibe. J.J. Abrams made millennial Vader and Tarkin work so why can't...oh, right. Because J.J. Abrams is J.J. Abrams and Zack Snyder is Zack Snyder. Lutherberg gets increasingly off the rails as the film continues. What is his motivation in manipulating a fight to the death between Batman and Superman and making a monster out of Zod's corpse? WE HAVE NO IDEA.

-HOWEVER, I will admit I was kind of intrigued by the chemistry between Lutherberg and Holly Hunter's no-nonsense Kentucky senator. I can picture an off-putting but compelling erotic thriller featuring the juvenile, awkward enfant terrible and the older tough cookie Southerner who feels out of place in DC. Not directed by Snyder, though. 

-Going back to Lutherberg's motivations, would it be giving Snyder too much credit to think this might be explained in the upcoming Suicide Squad? Lex's obsession with making Batman kill someone, knowledge of Batman's true identity, and penchant for sending taunting messages in scrawled red letters are all Joker trademarks. Could Joker have been controlling him all along? 

-Did Snyder seriously kill Mercy? We're about to get the first live-action Harley and she can't have a kick-ass fight with Mercy as nature fucking intended? Crossing my fingers that she inexplicably survived. 

Ladies, we all know who the real enemy is.

-All of the Rogues Gallery apparently moved out of Gotham, leaving Batman to battle quotidian human traffickers and pedophiles. He also mutilates them, which I thought was going to be revealed to be the work of a Batman impersonator, but wasn't, I guess.

-Alan Moore's overrated (imho) but iconic The Killing Joke, as well as many other Batman stories, explore Batman's refusal to kill Joker or even passively let him die when he throws himself off buildings or gets sentenced to death for poisoned stamp murder. This would break Batman's "one rule," which is never to kill anyone, no matter what horrific atrocities they have committed. After seeing the carnage left by criminals and cops alike, Batman refuses to take a life. Anyways, in this movie, Batman pretty much immediately decides and then relentlessly attempts to kill Superman. 

-Quick! You're dying! Your final words are to tell the guy killing you to save your mom! How do you phrase this? Do you say, "Save my mom"? Do you say, "Save [your mother's full name]"? Or do you just say, "Save [your mother's first name only]" and hope your murderer can figure out which Joan or Trisha or Leslie you meant? What if a plot point rests entirely on that third option? 

-The director's cut of this film is three hours long. I cannot fathom what could possibly be in those additional thirty minutes, nor do I wish to endure them. 

-Ben Affleck has written his own Batman film for him to direct and star in. You know what? Fine. 

-David Ayer's Suicide Squad is out this August. We're counting on you, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Annalise Keating, DC Prom King & Queen, et al. 

Lex was just an Amy lackey.

Image info:
Horrified Joker, Penguin, and Riddler: the classic 1966 film
Bouncy murder pearls: from the Gotham TV series, this time
Harley v Mercy: Batman: the Animated Series 
Rosamund Pike contemplating murder: Gone Girl

Dream Cast - Wuthering Heights

I wish we were together, enjoying nature and pwning noobs.

I don't ask for much. Just for a Wuthering Heights miniseries exactly to my liking. I say miniseries because Emily Brontë's 1847 novel is really too much story, with too many characters aging from childhood to adulthood, to fit into a movie. Try to pack it in 90-120 minutes, and you end up with weird compressions of time that result in adult Heathcliff and Cathy crawling around in bushes to spy on neighbors. And/or with the movie simply ending with Cathy's death.

After being displeased with various adaptations, I've brainstormed my ideal cast to act in my ideal miniseries format. These are only the adult versions of the characters, however. I'll leave some dream child actor casting agent to cast that part of my dream cast. I can delegate in my dreams.

Heathcliff - Oscar Isaac 

Heathcliff and race has always been a thorny issue. In Brontë's novel, although he later has a blond son, Heathcliff himself doesn't seem to be white: characters throw around Indian, Indian-Chinese, Spanish, and from the Americas in general as suggestions for his background (he doesn't speak English when found as a small child, so no one knows). In practice, Heathcliff mostly gets cast as a brunet white guy. (As a notable exception, Andrea Arnold's 2011 movie version has a black Heathcliff.) It would be great to see an Asian or Latino actor finally get this iconic role. Far from being the complained of "forced diversity," it would seem to be what the author intended.

I'd cast dynamic hearthrob Oscar Isaac, of Guatemalan and Cuban parents, as Heathcliff. He has an impressive resume, and this role would let him dig into a tortured psyche. Really tortured. Heathcliff isn't simply a "bad boy" romantic hero type - he's cruel, dangerous, and vengeful. Incapable of a healthy relationship, he instead has an obsessive codependency with Cathy that continues even after her death. We're talking spending quality time with her long-dead corpse levels of obsession. As far as he's concerned, he and Cathy are the only people on Earth; everyone else is disposable (except maybe Hareton later on).

I trust in Oscar Isaac to tackle the acting challenge of catching a falling baby and then looking furious and disappointed because it's his mortal enemy's baby and it would have been great revenge to let it go splat.

I would also consider: Dev Patel. Dude's grown up nicely.

Catherine Earnshaw/Linton - Emily Blunt

A dark-haired beauty who wants to be a wild nature girl forever? I think the range of Emily Blunt, who can play prim fashionistas and rugged FBI agents with equal aplomb, is perfect for the role, which requires haughty poise punctuated with fits of violence. Cathy manages to mostly pass as a fine lady of the English countryside for a few years, but not without bouts of depression. She doesn't want to be a model wife and mother - she wants to gallop around on horseback with soul mate Heathcliff and pinch and kick the hell out of people when she's angry.

I would also consider: Brie Larson.

Nelly Dean - Shirley Henderson

Our narrator by proxy, maid Nelly has witnessed and survived all of the dramas of the Earnshaw/Linton/Heathcliff families. Although a servant, she's raised alongside Hindley, Cathy, and Heathcliff. She is Hareton's nursemaid for the first years of his life, Cathy's confidante for life, and the second Catherine's caretaker. Humble but resilient, practical but caring, I could see Henderson (best known as Moaning Myrtle) in this role.

Hindley Earnshaw - Burn Gorman

Cathy's obnoxious older brother becomes cruel when his father favors adopted brother Heathcliff over him. Later he becomes a drunken gambler when his wife dies in childbirth, and his dire financial straits allows Heathcliff to buy Wuthering Heights out from under him. Burn Gorman, half of the German-scientists-without-German-accents duo in Pacific Rim, was fine in the 2009 PBS version, so Burn Gorman it is.

Edgar Linton - Tom Hiddleston

The Linton family owns Thrushcross Grange, the sunny alternative to windswept Wuthering Heights. The family's eldest son - fey, blond, and emotional Edgar - starts out with a lot of the same faults Hindley has. He's whiny and elitist, and Heathcliff is disgusted when Cathy marries him. But unlike Hindley, Edgar rises to the challenge of sudden single parenthood and becomes a loving father. Tom Hiddleston would be perfect to play this proper English gentleman who is prone to tears and learns forgiveness.

I would also consider: Tom Felton. A prejudiced aristocrat who cries? He's got this. Plus, he'd get a reunion with his Hogwarts bathroom buddy.

Isabella Linton - Amanda Seyfried

When Heathcliff returns to town to find foster sister/soul mate Cathy married to Edgar, he begins courting Edgar's naive sister, Isabella. Isabella quickly falls for the handsome and now mysteriously rich Heathcliff, and they elope. Unfortunately, she soon learns she's just a pawn in his revenge scheme. Heathcliff physically and emotionally abuses her, and she runs to the south of England while pregnant.

Catherine II - Mia Wasikowska

This second Catherine is the daughter of Edgar and Cathy. Since Cathy dies shortly after giving birth, Catherine is raised by her doting father and Nelly. While less wild than her mother, Catherine still has a thirst for adventure beyond her family's estate. Unfortunately, her curiosity gets her kidnapped by Heathcliff, who forces her into marriage with her cousin, Linton. Despite Heathcliff's cruelty, Catherine never stops standing up to him. She does, however, understandably start to become mean herself in her miserable surroundings, but is guided back to kindness by Nelly's influence and her growing affection for Hareton.

Wasikowska has already starred as a Brontë heroine (as the eponymous character in Charlotte Brontë's Jane Eyre) and has undertaken other adventurey period roles (Alice in Wonderland, Crimson Peak). She has the right mix of girlishness and grit for this part.

Linton Heathcliff - Tony Revolori

Oh boy, these names get harder and harder to keep track of. Linton Heathcliff is the son of Heathcliff No Last Name and Isabella Linton. He is a sickly, indulged child raised by his mother near London. When she dies, his uncle Edgar tries to take custody of him, but he is thwarted by Heathcliff, meaning it's off to bleak Wuthering Heights with poor Linton. Heathcliff later forces the dying Linton to marry his cousin Catherine, so that Heathcliff can get ownership of Thrushcross Grange when Linton kicks the bucket. Tony Revolori (known for The Grand Budapest Hotel) isn't blond, but whatever.

Hareton Earnshaw - Adam Driver

Heathcliff's biggest act of revenge is taking custody of Hindley's son Hareton and raising him as a profanity-spewing illiterate farmhand, mirroring how Hindley demoted him from heir to servant when their father died. But alas, just as Mr. Earnshaw favored adopted son Heathcliff, Heathcliff favors adopted son Hareton. In fact, Heathcliff's decades-long campaign of revenge halts not due to the deaths of 1) his hated foster brother's wife, 2) the love of his life, 3) his hated foster brother, 4) his own wife, 5) his romantic rival, or 6) his own son, but because Hareton gets kinda sad.

Which is understandable! Hareton's a cutie and no one wants him to be sad! He's a rough-and-tumble guy who can throw down, but he's insecure about his lack of education and is eager to please. Despite his crassness and violence, he's unable to repress his natural kindness (he even tries to befriend annoying Linton). He and Catherine end up bringing out the best in each other: she teaches him how to read, he teaches her how to garden, etc. In the end, dead Heathcliff and Cathy get to haunt Wuthering Heights like they always wanted, and their kids get to live a less creepy life together at Thrushcross Grange.

How could it be made plausible that Poe Dameron is Kylo Ren's adopted father? I dunno. Gray highlights or something? I'm not a make-up wizard. If Dev Patel is Heathcliff, he can get "acting like an old person" tips from all his The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel co-stars.

I would also consider: Aaron Paul. As with Driver, we already know Paul can play a confused and violent young man in the thrall of an abusive father figure.

Who is the best hot farmboy Hareton?

Bonus pic of Hareton, Heathcliff, and one of their many attack dogs about to toss Lockwood (who is too boring to cast) out of Wuthering Heights like the rowdy brutes they are:

Image info:
Header image: Oscar Isaac in Ex Machina, Emily Blunt in Sicario
All headshots from IMDB
Aaron Paul with sheep: Peter Yang for Rolling Stone
Adam Driver with sheep: Annie Leibovitz for Vogue
Adam Driver and Oscar Isaac with Carrie Fisher's dog: Getty Images

Let's Speculate on Gotham's Probably-Joker's Amazing Wardrobe

And. Here. We. Go.

I was totally prepared to hate Jerome. The premise of Gotham is/was "Gotham before Batman," with Bruce Wayne as a recently orphaned tween and Jim Gordon as a rookie cop. Seeing a city steadily decay and burn over the years to the point where a high-tech vigilante dressed as a bat seems like a reasonable solution sounds like a great prequel.

But either the writers or the studio or both could not help themselves, and tons of established Batman characters have been crammed into the show already, despite Bruce Wayne being a child at this point. I was hoping they could at least refrain from blowing their Joker load, but near the end of Season 1 came the extremely unsubtle teasers that the mythology's #1 scene-stealer since Batman #1 would be appearing.

If Batman pursues us, we'll step into a 21+ establishment.

I didn't like the lack of restraint; I didn't like the cloying campaign; and I didn't like that assuming this is Joker and not an obnoxious bait-and-switch, he has a known background (he's not a John Doe, his name is Jerome, and he grew up in future-Robin's grandpa's circus being forced to listen to clown sex).

But alas, Cameron Monaghan won me over with a virtuoso performance of a monologue delivered in the presence of Inara from Firefly and Uncle Hector from Breaking Bad. I'm not an actor, but my advice to young actors would be that when performing a monologue for an audition, definitely do it while flanked by Inara and Uncle Hector. Maybe Kaylee and Skinny Pete in a pinch.

Anyways, like the 1960s Batman series, Gotham's best assets have been good actors having the time of their lives as flamboyant villains (RIP Jada Pinkett Smith's Fish Mooney), and previews of Season 2 (premieres Sept. 21) suggest we'll be getting a lot of Monaghan's Jerome, who appears to be high on the "I'm not a carny anymore" life. Joker-fashion focus has been on Jared Leto's version, but Monaghan, finally out of that blue sweater, is also getting a lot of fabulous costumes. What do they mean? Let's speculate.

This screenshot is from this clip, where Jerome and Barbara do some flirting in Arkham Asylum. Barbara is clearly the fashion standout here thanks to her clever re-purposing of the traditional convict stripes to form a cute summery dress, which is apparently allowed, but Jerome's not looking bad either, showing off his undershirt in a Stanley Kowalski move. This isn't a dynamic we've seen before, and I'm looking forward to seeing how it plays out (and how and if Barbara ends up back with Jim to produce Batgirl). If she's not the one, Jerome, don't worry: Arkham remains a great place to meet your significant other.

Rampant speculation: Jerome is so going to be future-serial-killer Jim Gordon Jr.'s biological dad.

These pics from Just Jared show Jerome in what seems to be the world's most fashionable and least effective straitjacket. It looks great, but there do not seem to be any arm restraints, which I think is the only point of a straitjacket? To be fair, arm restraints would make it harder to hijack that bus and thus pay homage to The Dark Knight and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

Rampant speculation: Jerome's clearly Arkham's problem child from Day 1. Here he incites rebellion when the questionable asylum rents the inmates out as backup dancers for a Lady Gaga video.

Why is Jerome dressed like Hugh Hefner? It looks like he's out of Arkham at this point, unless Arkham is holding some sort of inmate smoking jacket competition, maybe as an attempt to make amends for the Lady Gaga incident.

Rampant speculation: Ok, this is actually interesting. In the clip showing the above scene, Jerome appears to be coached by Season 2 newcomer Theo Galavan, who some think might actually be Ra's Al Ghul. This still doesn't explain the Hefnerwear, but oh well.

Jerome is already causing havoc in stolen uniforms, seemingly another nod to the Joker's actions in The Dark Knight. Does Gotham realize at this point just how much of the city's annual budget will be dedicated to dealing with this guy?

Rampant speculation: At the end of the season, Jerome goes good and becomes an upstanding GCPD officer. He is such a great cop that Batman is never needed.

Favorite Mad Max: Fury Road Moments

I'd say my favorite things, but THEY ARE NOT THINGS.

I've now seen George Miller's Mad Max: Fury Road at the theater three times. (The only other movie I've seen three times in theaters is The Dark Knight...is it the brooding heroes and guys painted white?) It keeps getting better - I notice more small details, I feel closer to crying by the end, I can make out more of the Straya slang, etc.

Clearly I'm not alone. Mad Max: Fury Road might not be the biggest moneymaker this summer, but the intelligent, visually stunning, brilliantly edited action film has impressed critics and won the devotion of fans. Comic artists were especially inspired by Charlize Theron's Furiosa. Comic book shops found they, and the printer, had greatly underestimated the demand for the first issue of the tie-in comic. At least one person has made a flamethrower ukulele.

There's been a lot written about this movie, and I'm not going to add my own huge screed. I just wanted to catalog/gush over all my favorite things* about it, because that's really the reason I have this blog. In case it's not obvious, this will be approximately 100% spoilers.

*The Doof Warrior, of course, goes without saying.

Come on.

Favorite Moments in Mad Max: Fury Road

Max's failed escape: When Max is captured by Immortan Joe's scavengers, he attempts the daring escape expected of any action hero: he breaks his bonds and fights off an endless supply of anonymous goons while dashing through the evil lair, then jumps to an improbably convenient hanging rope. But instead of completing a nail-biting and exhilarating swing to safety, he's simply pulled back inside the Citadel. Sure, at least one or two of the minions died, but mostly Max's attempt just took five minutes out of everyone's work day. The expectation-defying sequence sets the tone for the film.

Chain fight: The Furiosa versus Max and Nux (who are chained together and not on good terms) fight. I'm always in awe of well choreographed battles, and this one was especially impressive. 

Spit fight: Super mature Nux spiting back at Furiosa after she spits at him. Really hope we get some blooper reel of that. (We have been teased about one.)

Whoops: Nux tripping on the war rig. I purposefully avoided reading much about the movie before watching, so I didn't know how large a role Nicholas Hoult's Nux played. When we first see Nux, he's just one of many in the swarm of War Boys. When he straps muzzled "blood bag" Max to the front of his car so he can go into battle while getting a blood transfusion, I expected we'd shortly get a scene of Max avenging the humiliation with a quick kill. When Nux survives being thrown off the rig by the wives (after surviving his own kamikaze attempt), I then assumed he'd be the "thorn in our heroes' side" character. But then he falls down like a total klutz in front of his idol in his moment of glory.

I'm lazy, so I'd be fine with mediocre.

Thumbs-up: Max's grudging thumbs-up when Angharad avoids being crushed by a giant rock. I want Tom Hardy to give me that thumbs-up. I just don't want to fall under a repurposed oil tanker immediately after.

The wives: The women's relationships. The bond between the five wives (Angharad, the Dag, Toast, Cheedo, and Capable) is strong and authentic. They've been through hell together. It's easy to imagine how a lesser filmmaker might have taken a misstep here, thoughtlessly making them either uniformly passive or catty, but this movie doesn't do thoughtless. As Riley Keough (Capable) said about the preparation for the role "“Emailing George about the part, you realized there’s more going on than, ‘Here’s hot girl number one and hot girl number two'". 

Subtle smile: Speaking of which, Capable's contemplative, secret smile when she's back in the rig after finding Nux.

Leaving the The Fault in Our Stars kids in the dust.

Facial: Max taking a split second to weigh "face covered in other guy's blood" with "face cleaned with breastmilk." He goes with the breastmilk. You do what you gotta do, Max.

Boot: Max giving Nux a boot. Nux hasn't uttered a word of complaint about only having one boot, but Max still remembers to grab him one after slaughtering the Bullet Farmer's convoy. How...sweet? (Sure he could have given Nux his actual boot back, but he's not quite there yet - he will later swoop in rather than let Nux suffer while siphoning fuel.) It's a small, wordless indication of how Max is gradually letting himself care for others again. At the beginning of the film, he was so hurt and mistrusting that he was willing to take the rig and abandon the women in the desert, but interacting with Furiosa and the others is bringing him back to his noble self.

Tandem: Max and Furiosa's teamwork. Max is still hoarding weapons, worried Furiosa might try to off him, when he's completely caught off guard by her trusting him to start the rig if her deal in the canyon goes bad. Her trust is rewarded, and they start working together seamlessly.

From here.

Road trip: Cheedo, Toast, the Dag, Capable, and Nux all curled up asleep like kittens in the back while mom 'n' pop Furiosa and Max take turns driving through the night. Update: Please check out Joanne Kwan's awesome Mad Max family roadtrip fan art.

Uncouth ladies: The blunt Dag's understanding with the blunt Keeper of the Seeds. Age is no barrier to friendship when you're a smartass.

Pa: The characters say almost nothing about the considerable traumas they've all experienced, but we know from the first Mad Max film that Max had a infant son who was murdered. Max's PTSD flashbacks mostly involve a different young child he was unable to save, but when he's watching his new friends leave across the salt he hears, "Come on, Pa!" Wrenching. Whether you knew about his son beforehand or just put it together, it's a punch in the gut.


Favorite Moment That Wasn't Actually in Mad Max: Fury Road That I Wish Was Actually in Mad Max: Fury Road

On the way back to the Citadel, Furiosa slows the rig to a halt. Max looks at her with a wordless question. She silently indicates with her head, and he follows her gaze. There's a giant billboard reading "Aussie Al's OBGYN and Cancer Center (and Waterpark)." Max grunts and looks back at Furiosa. Furiosa looks at Max. Max shrugs deferentially. Furiosa starts the rig again and follows the sign.

Top Three Cat Brother-Sister Internet Acts

Maybe Leslie and GOB worked better as siblings. :'(

Actually not as much "top three cat brother-sister internet acts" as much as "three cat brother-sister internet acts I happened to think of." Basically, this is a list that wouldn't even make the Buzzfeed cut, despite being 100% cats.

3) Scuba...and Shadow

What is that gray lump in the foreground?

These guys are the reason for this list being made. Well, Scuba is. If you frequent reddit or reddit-cat-content-reposter LoveMeow, you've probably seen Scuba over the past week. Scuba, with her acid-trip eyes, lynx-like ear tufts, and a smile that ranges from coy to threatening, is likely the internet's next big cat star. Apparently she has a brother, Shadow. Shadow is a perfectly acceptable looking cat, and is probably very nice. But he just doesn't have that je ne sais quoi that will hopefully make Scuba this season's cat version of 2012 Jennifer Lawrence.

2) Grumpy Cat...and Pokey

Sharing the spotlight? No.

Once upon a time in Arizona, a calico cat got knocked up by a stray tom and gave birth to a litter containing two deformed kittens. One of these kittens grew up to become the biggest meme-to-mainstream phenomenon we've yet seen, with celebrity appearances, merchandise, a line of cat treats, and even a Lifetime holiday movie. The other is Pokey. While Grumpy Cat (real, un-PC name: Tardar Sauce) scowls with character, although not quite $100 million worth of character, Pokey never managed to charm the masses with his vacant, if amiable, expression. 

1) Guremike

Synchronized sleeping champions.

No Shadows or Pokeys here! We don't have the names of the cats of guremike. Such human designations are below them. (Cute Overload calls them Thing One and Thing Two.) While there might be occasional sibling rivalry, for the most part these two are in transcendent harmony.

Special Mention: Maru and Hana

Maru and Hana might not be related by blood, but they're still brother and sister at heart. They fight! They play! They cuddle! When Maru's owner introduced a kitten into their household, it wasn't clear how Hana's presence would change the blog and YouTube channel of the Famous Internet Cat trailblazer. But young Hana has proven herself an asset, being a befuddled straight man to wonderfully weird Maru one moment and frisky wildcard the next. On her own, Hana's a pretty normal tabby, but with beloved big brother Maru, she's a star. Or a co-star, at least.

But which pair should be dramatic superheroes?

Images:
Amy Poehler and Will Arnett in Blades of Glory: movpins
Scuba and Shadow: their Instagram
Grumpy and Pokey: their Grumpy's Facebook
Guremike: this adorable set
Maru and Hana: their blog
Magneto's kids: Marko Djurdjevic cover

Black Cats for October

A few years ago I did a post on black cats for Friday the 13th, which looked at kitties from art and literature. With their traditional connection to bad luck and the fact that they're not as "flashy" as other kittens, it's always a little more nerve-racking than usual giving a black foster kitten back to the shelter for adoption. Since it's the month of black cats appearing in decorations (often with witches), here are some more stellar examples of that much maligned, Halloweeny animal.

Bear

Won't someone give him a cuddle and listen to his poems?

18-year-old Bear is the subject of owner Tom Cox's many books about being a crazy cat man, but he's become so widely known because of cat's best friend: the internet. Photos of the melancholic Bear and the reasons for his sorrow are paired on his hit Why My Cat Is Sad twitter account, which currently has 172k followers. His persistently heartbroken little face just demands you pick him up for a hug and kiss. Fortunately, despite having a rough history, Bear is adored by his family. And understandably, Cox is a black cat advocate.

My cat is sad because life has given him many, many lemons & he cannot use them to make lemonade because he is a cat. pic.twitter.com/PhAVk905EI
— WHY MY CAT IS SAD (@MYSADCAT) September 17, 2014

Isis

Not THAT Isis.

Batman sometimes-villain, sometimes-hero Catwoman is the undisputed queen of the felines. Fans of the classic, stylish Batman: the Animated Series might remember Isis, a sleek black cat who matched Catwoman's sleek black cat costume. Selina Kyle has been portrayed as having different "main" cats over the years (Hecate, for example, in the 1966 Batman movie, aka the best movie of all time), but Isis from the various animated shows is the definitive one for me.

Forget the diamonds, Isis has canned food!

Shorty

Shorty is appalled or stoned.

Half of popular YouTube cat duo Sho Ko, fluffy, cuddly, energetic kitty Shorty is also an advocate for black cats everywhere. (Except when sidelined by her addiction to catnip bananas.)

Cole

Good, 'cause I always need hair ties.

Like Shorty, Cole is the older half of a YouTube kitty pair (Cole & Marmalade). And like Shorty's owner, Cole's owner has a soft spot for black cats. Good news for this formerly tiny rescue!

Salem

...

Like Isis, here's another black cat the intersection of comics and television - and a witch's black cat at that. Salem, the cat of Archie Comics' teenage witch Sabrina, was once a sorcerer who tried to take over the world. His punishment? Being turned into a cat. And then sharing a bed with a teenage girl. Salem reached top popularity on the 90s sitcom, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, where he was voiced by Nick Bakay and portrayed by both real cats and a terrifying robot cat. Since then he's starred in Sabrina, the Animated Series, made an appearance in gritty smash hit Afterlife with Archie, and has even gotten his own origin comic about his adventures before living the Humbert Humbert dream.



Image Sources:
Vintage cat: The Graphics Fairy
Bear: Bear's twitter
Isis: DC Animated Universe wiki
Isis again: DC Animated Universe wiki
Shorty: Shorty and Kodi's Facebook
Cole: Cole and Marmalade's Facebook
Salem: from Afterlife With Archie #1, illustrated by Francesco Francavilla