Batman Fangasm and Nitpicking (Spoilers)

Back in May I wrote a blog post fretting over the Dark Knight Rises trailer. It was called Douchey Fangirl Whining, and boy was that title appropriate. I loved this movie. I never should have doubted Nolan. It wasn't perfect, but neither was Dark Knight. Damned if he didn't not only take on the daunting challenge of following up Dark Knight and throw in working almost the entire Inception cast in there and pull it off. This isn't really a review, just scattered thoughts I'm too excited to not write down.

Spoilers below!

Hot villain in Nolanverse? Facial disfigurement time!

Favorite things:

-After Dark Knight's intricate, instant classic opening, they had to step up this film's early action sequence, and they did. It's not a masterpiece like the last one, but still impressive and a crowd-pleaser.

-How gorgeous was everything? Beautifully shot. Beautiful effects.

-Stock broker screaming on the back of Bane's motorcycle. Lol.

-I was ready to cringe at Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle, but she did a good job. Some of her lines were corny, but she brought depth to the role.

-Bane beating Batman around forever while everyone watches silently. Whoa.

-As dark as that was, Nolan's borrowing of images from current events were the most harrowing moments. From Abu Ghraib's hoods and mock executions to Los Zetas' strung-up bodies, Nolan studies evil in all its forms: perpetuated by governments, gangs, corporations, and individuals.

-Bane was brought into being to break Batman backs over his impressive thigh and chew bubblegum, and in this movie his face has been destroyed by the plague or something so he can't chew bubblegum.

-Cillian Murphy shows up as Scarecrow again, and is hilarious and menacing. Him doing the Judge Joker thing was welcome humor, and not overdone.

-Talia! Not totally unexpected, but well executed. Marion Cotillard was perfect for the role. I was having a fit when they were spinning Bane as Ra's al Ghul's kid, and when they turned it around it was neatly done.

-Talia/Bane. OMGWTFOTP. Not totally new to the canon, but this time it's swoooooooon. Tom Hardy's eye-acting in this scene was powerful and perfect.

Oh, husband. Stop that and get into a well tailored suit.

WTF things:

-John Blake (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) knows Bruce Wayne is Batman because his parents also died, duh.

-Uh, Commissioner Gordon, you kinda caused the Two-Face thing. Remember? The corrupt cops you insisted on keeping on the force despite Harvey's investigations? Remember that at all? No? Don't make me break out naked rollercoaster.

-Juno Temple, why are you here? There is literally zero reason for your part to be in the script.

-So this MacGuffin software erases you from all databases. And Selina Kyle/Catwoman wants it so she can clear her name and start anew. Boy, is she going to be pissed when she discovers Google.

-Someone should go back in time to Knightfall and tell Bruce to just get some old guy to punch him in the back. Could have avoided that whole Jean-Paul thing.

-Batman can jump just as far as an undernourished little girl. Hooray?

-Bane is unstoppable. Unless you do some push-ups in prison. Then you're good.

-Also, his Venom mask is now...what exactly?

-John Blake will be the next Batman. I love Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Fervently. He's one of our best actors. Period. But...what is he going to do to criminals? Play twee music at them? Defeat them in Zoolander-style walk-offs in gorgeous suits? Yeah, he kicked ass in Brick, but that was against fellow high-schoolers. Maybe he could take on Baby Doll. Possibly the Ventriloquist as long as Scarface isn't around. He is willing to put children into dangerous situations, though, so he has that Batman trait going for him.

-Argh, I thought we were promised no Robin. And then they had to have John Blake's real name be Robin. Don't make me break out my crowbar.

-Speaking of which, yeah, as I feared, the zero mention of Joker, or even Arkham, was kinda noticeable. Cillian Murphy rocked it in his Scarecrow cameo, but it also reminded the audience that oh, hey, what about Arkham? Were those inmates released? Wouldn't Bane want to utilize them as well as the Blackgate inmates? On the other hand, I can't imagine a scenario where they could have mentioned the Joker and have it make sense. I'm just going to assume when things got cray-cray and Arkham was let loose, the Joker and Dr. Quinzel took off for a tropical island.

-Speaking of couples escaping...the ending was just no. No. Unless you think Alfred's imagining things, it's stupid fluff. I understand the desire for a less crushing ending, but it made no sense. And it made this scene a little too relevant: