CATS ON THE INTERNET!

I am sick today, and when I haven't been sleeping or extracting mucus from my nasal cavities, I've been dicking around on the internet. Most of this browsing has been related to cats, because cats are most of the internet. And also because I am a crazy cat person at heart who can't have a cat in her current apartment. So I decided to write about the very best cats on the internet. Maybe later I'll write about cats such as the many that frequent Haruki Murakami novels or Behemoth in The Master and Margarita, but that's too much thinking for now.

Maru!

Of course box-loving Maru is number one. Duh. He is obviously the best. He is a roly-poly, saucer-eyed Scottish fold (sans folds) who lives in Japan, spends the days playing with his mommy, and has gotten book and DVD deals. But he's not just a normal cat playing. This cat is expressive, lively...inventive, even. Whenever I'm visiting my mom's cats my mom, I make sure to remind our two kitties how lazy and nonprofitable they have been. Oh, you can bat a catnip toy, Kitten? Woop-de-frickin-doo. Maru will dress himself in his cardboard turtle shell and strut around like a champ. Whether you're reading his charming blog or perusing his Youtube channel, Maru is a joy. A lucrative joy.

It's Meme!

Next is exotic shorthair Meme, her mama Goma, and Scottish fold "uncle" Fuku. While their blog is not translated into English like Maru's, you can run it through Google translate, and it comes out...like Finnegans Wake? I really don't know if this is the author's writing style, or if Google's just having a hard time with kanji. Anyways, like Maru, these kitties reside in Japan and have reached worldwide fame, but seem to have better merchandising. Step it up, Maru! The unfortunately acronym'd  FGM trio owes its fame to the birth of Meme, a muppet-kitten so adorable, it was hard to believe she was real.

Winston's owners: still alive due solely to his laziness.

Time to travel from Meme's Tokyo to New York, where Winston lives with his brother Rudy and their two daddies. Winston differs a great deal from the other kitties on this list in one respect: he's not the sole focus of owner Rich Juzwiak's career. No doubt Winston videos and photos bring lots of people to Juzwiak's blog, but Juzwiak is an apt and well known pop-culture critic, scowly meatloaf-shaped kitty or no. But despite being pretty dumb and mostly interested in food (you'll never see Winston creating games with the sheer abandon of Maru), Winston gives Juzwiak a lot to write about. Like Meme and Goma, Winston is an exotic shorthair, a breed created to be appealing to the internet and not breathe, but unlike them, he was a sickly rescue kitty (which, as Juzwiak explains, can come from the over-breeding of cats like exotics and Persians) nursed back to ungratefulness.

Luna, you are...perfection.

And now, onto my newest kitty obsession I discovered via Jezebel yesterday. Luna the Fashion Kitty. She wears insanely girly, frilly, garish outfits and her tongue is always sticking out. She does tricks. She splits her time between Mexico and the American Southwest. She is amazing. I cannot believe I am this enthused over a gender-performing Persian cat, but I am too enthralled to care.